A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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