Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
