what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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