I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
