I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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