I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
