I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You pole danced in your parka.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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