Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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