This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
