Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
