I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
