i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
