It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think your dad took our porno
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize