my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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