I don't usually arrange sex via text message
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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