I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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