just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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