And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize