I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
