she woke up with a sticky ear
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
