Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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