would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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