Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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