I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
