i jhust puked up my retainher.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
