Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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