I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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