You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
