She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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