You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Randomize
