are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
