Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
