come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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