I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
