I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
