her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
