I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My pussy is not your playground.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
