I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize