In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
