i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
