My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
