Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
