So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
