Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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