Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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