your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
