what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
