all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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