tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
