She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I need a burrito and a hug.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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