I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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