i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
