How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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