I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
