i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
