I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
