Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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