Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
