Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
