Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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